when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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