I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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