I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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