wakey wakey hands off snakey
i already hear my dad disowning me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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