i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
