If that was your dad, he is hot
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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