We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
