Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
