i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
