Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
