Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
