her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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