I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
