I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
