dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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