I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
