textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
