Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize