I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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