I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
