ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
