I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
