He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
