its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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