i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
