Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
