Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize