apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
