my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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