i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
