so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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