you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
