Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
