The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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