I hope mine doesn't look like that
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
