I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
