It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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