There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
