We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
