Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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