One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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