I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
