Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
