Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i've created a new STD.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
