I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
