i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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