so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
