i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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