I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
