I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
