you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
