wat bout pragnant strippers??
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
