In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
