im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
