I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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