I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
