she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
