9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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