just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
