You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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