weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
