We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
